Thursday, December 12, 2013

The Room



Wacky, awful, and sublime
Let's assume that you've seen The Room. Imagine that Lisa's eyebrows matched her hair. Imagine that Johnny was about twenty years younger and a person that you actually wanted to see naked, with a decent haircut. Imagine that the movie's budget allowed for more than three or four sets. Imagine that characters didn't keep repeating the same meaningless lines over and over again--"Johnny is a good man." "Johnny is my best friend." "I don't want to talk about it." "Well I have to go now." Imagine that instead of being a simple Jekyll/Hyde caricature, Lisa was actually a complicated and real-seeming person, torn between security/domesticity and freedom/passion. Suppose that the revelation that her mother is dying of breast cancer actually contributed to her inner conflict. Imagine that the minor characters were adequately introduced and actually came across as real people with their own problems/motivations instead of simply allowing the filmmaker to kill some time while he...

It's Like Sitting on an Atom Bomb that is About to Explode
I have now seen Mr. Tommy Wiseau's cinematic tour-de-force, `The Room' three times. With each viewing, `The Room' becomes more complexly entangled in and inseparable from my own life. I no longer know where The Room ends and I begin.

It is, without question, the worst film ever made. Including movies made on beta max video cameras in special education high school classes. But this comment is in no way meant to be discouraging. Because while The Room is the worst movie ever made it is also the greatest way to spend a blisteringly fast 100 minutes in the dark. Simply put, `The Room' will change your life.

It's not just the dreadful acting or the sub-normal screenplay or the bewildering direction or the musical score so soaked in melodrama that you will throw up on yourself or the lunatic-making cinematography; no, there is something so magically wrong with this movie that it can only be the product of divine intervention. If you took the greatest filmmakers in...

Life changing
I now mark my life into two parts - life before and after The Room. After seeing The Room, things seem differently. Colors now have taste. Taste no longer exists. My ears are filled with Tommy Wiseau's "Oh, hi there!"

See The Room, and be transformed into another consciousness that never knows how people behave, or talk, or think. A fever dream in which situations arise and disappear without leaving a trace. Where leading men can look like shambling corpses a few weeks old. Where the meaning of roses and chocolates have become perverse symbols of love. Where perversion is normal, where normal is perversion.

This is... The Room.

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